Guidance is all it took to change my dreams

Growing up we often tend to imagine how our future would be. This is highly influenced by our backgrounds and what we want to achieve in life. By the time I was in class eight, I had already decided to become a Marine Engineer.  I would sail the world, enjoy the sceneries and come back home bearing amazing gifts for everyone. 

I didn’t exactly work hard to achieve my goal but Alhamdulillah I got the chance to pursue marine engineering after my O-level. As a university requirement, I went for my industrial attachment onboard an inland ship in Kisumu. Here, I met people of different backgrounds and beliefs. I met Ugandans, Tanzanians and fellow Kenyans. I was an active Christian at that time and would go to church if Sunday came around when I was at a port.  I had a bad experience one Sunday.   I remember I went to a church in Mwanza, Tanzania wearing jeans and everyone else in the church wore long dresses.  I could feel people staring at me during the service. Some even approached me and told me how wrong I was.  I felt judged and criticized.  Back in Kenya people would wear anything they want to church without judgment.

Back at work on the ship, I had two friends who were Muslims.  They were fun to hang around. During one September, I noticed that they were fasting.  I did not know why, but I knew it must be some kind of religious practice. In the evenings when they would break their fast, they would invite the other crew members to eat with them. This was so amazing considering my experience with churches I visited. I really admired their religion. Previously, I had so many questions about Christianity, the trinity, and the crucifixion, which were never adequately answered no matter how many times I asked around. Most people just told me it’s a mystery and that I should just believe. These two experiences really fueled my desire to know the truth. Being a curious person, I started doing research.

Alhamdulillah, my research drove me even closer to the truth. In 2015, in my fourth year of study at the University and before the upcoming month of Ramadan started, I eagerly took my shahada. I still remember that Sunday, the day I first wore an abaya (an Islamic veil). I received so many hugs, gifts and congratulations from the Muslim sisters; I just wanted those moments to last forever. It was the happiest day I remember. That Ramadan gave me something to remember all my life.

I did not tell my parents until I was done with my course at the university.  Being staunch Catholics, I knew they would react badly to my decision. I packed and went straight home after my final exam determined to inform them of my decision. I was scared and did not even know where to begin. Fortunately, mum questioned my changed dress code and I decided not to wait any longer. I told them I had become a Muslim and that I had been practising Islam for more than a year. That day everything changed. Mum said that I just wanted to kill them with depression and make my siblings orphans and dad stopped talking to me.  He would not eat food that I prepared.  He actually said he cannot live in the same compound with someone who considered him a kaafir (disbeliever).

What used to be a happy home became a nightmare. I could not stop crying. I could not look into my parents’ eyes. I cried almost every night. What followed was a series of lectures from all kinds of priests, pastors and church elders, all with one agenda; “stop hurting your parents, and obey them, they know more than you do.” Between the month of September and November 2016, I had had more arguments with my parents than my whole life previously. They actually didn’t attend my graduation as I was just an embarrassment to them. 

I just wished I could make it clear to them that Islam is the right path and as a Muslim I felt utmost peace at heart. When I could not bear the pain and stress any longer, I decided to stay away from home, give them and myself a space to breath. It was not the best decision, but it was the only option I had and I took it. I left home in January 2017 to pick up my degree certificate from the university and decided not to return home.

It was not easy being away from home, jobless and staying with friends. During that period, I learnt some hard lessons in life. Alhamdulillah I survived and learnt to be patient with all situations in life. I would make calls home once in a while, even when it was so difficult to hold a conversation with them. I would remind myself that Allah knows it all. During my most difficult moments, I told myself I have more blessings in my life and I could never count them so I held on. Being a Muslim is one of the greatest blessings I will ever have.

Allah tries those whom He loves most, He tried the messengers and prophets, and His love is all I need to live through another day. It is amazing being a Muslim.  The brotherhood and care for one another is one thing I am more than grateful for.  It helps reduce the loneliness, it is more like ‘You are not alone; we will walk through it together.’

With time I enrolled for madrasah classes and widened my knowledge about Islam. Sometimes, I cannot believe I can read Arabic and the Qur’an.  It is one of the things I used to envy about my newly acquired Muslim friends. I will remain eternally grateful for all the ustadhs and ustadhas who took their time to teach, encourage and support me. I am also eternally grateful to all my Muslim friends for being there when I needed them the most.

Alhamdulillah, my relationship with my parents is better and I continue to pray to Allah that He may guide them to Islam. My parents becoming Muslims is the best thing I could ever imagine happening. Funny how I thought being a Marine Engineer would be the best thing that can happen to me…Dreams do change!